I remember as a teenager seeing moms in the grocery store whose children were completely out of control–throwing things out of the cart, throwing things off the store shelves. Often I would look at the mom and think, “My kids will never act that way,” or “I will never let that happen when I’m a mother.”
It turns out that before you become a parent you are an expert at parenting. Then, suddenly, you have your own children and you can feel as though you are failing and don’t know what to do. Motherhood can bring so much joy and yet can also be stressful and hard. Most good things are hard.
In order to help with the daily stress of striving to raise good children, I take the time to pray and ponder how my Heavenly Father can make me into the mom I want to be.
I pray that I will exercise more self-control when a child frustrates me. I pray that I will be more patient with my two-year-old when he pees on the floor. I pray to know the best use of time for my children and me. I pray to be able to forget unnecessary things and spend more time playing with my kids (regardless of the mess!). I pray to accomplish the never-ending to-do list, but overall, I pray to my Heavenly Father for help developmentally in my role as a mother.
Praying in the morning allows the Holy Ghost to direct me through the day. I hear the spirit speaking to me. “Take a deep breath; Benson coloring on the wall is not a big deal. It’s a washable marker. Go get cleaning supplies and watch over him while he cleans the wall. Remind him again where we color and put the markers up even higher.” “Stop doing the dishes and go play blocks with Livi and Benson.” “Go put your phone in your room so it’s not a distraction.”
At the end of the day when the house is finally quiet and the kids are asleep, I go to each room and check on my sleeping children. I reflect upon my love for them and feel the love their Heavenly Father has for them. If the day went well, I remember what funny thing they said or did. If I was short tempered and impatient I remember what I did wrong and how that made them sad or frustrated. Some nights I feel pretty good about what happened and how I handled situations, whereas other nights I feel like the worst mom ever. The time for me to reflect is so important, especially before I say my evening prayers and go to bed.
When I pray at night and thank Heavenly Father for the day, He reminds me of where I can improve and how He is willing to help. Ultimately, He is the best parent, which makes Him the best partner in my mothering. His whole purpose is to help me become more like Him through my experiences as a mother. I am His child. He loves me. He sent me His children. He loves them.
My husband’s work schedule is such that he works for 7 nights and then has the following week off. Since he works at night, when he gets home in the early morning he heads straight to bed. When he wakes up, he takes a showers, eats, and heads back to work again. Each day he works we get to spend about an hour with him. During those 7 days when he is working, I tend to feel like a single mother. (I truly admire those who are single mothers as I can see it is no small feat.) When my husband is home we make a great team and the laborious task of getting everyone fed, bathed and in bed doesn’t seem so hard. But when he is gone it can get lonely and hard. During those times when I feel like I’m lacking, I am grateful for a partner in parenting who never leaves.
Though I still don’t know every answer and I’m not nearly as smart as I was before I had kids (ha!), I know that I am the best mother for my children when I put aside what the world tries to tell me and listen to what my Heavenly Father kindly reminds me.
His opinion is the only one that matters. He knows me. He knows my children. And He surely knows what we both need.
The other day my daughter, Olivia, and son, Benson, were playing and I overheard the following:
Benson: Ivi (Livi) can I help you?
Olivia: No, I don’t want your help.
Benson: But, I’m your friend.
I thought about their conversation in relation to parenting and my work as a mother. I feel as though my Heavenly Father is always there saying, “Malorie, can I help you?” Regrettably, sometimes I am like my daughter “No, I don’t want your help.” And He reminds me “But, I’m your friend. I want the best for you. I know how to help you and I love you.”
My Heavenly Father is my greatest partner in parenting, and when I listen to His counsel, I find great joy in the privilege I have of teaching His children.